The Exciting Adventures of Duke & Tristan
by Cannibalistic Oreos
Summary: An Abridged-based collection of one-shots depicting different adventures Duke Devlin and Tristan Taylor manage to get themselves into; Blame LK for making the duo so retarded-ly fun; Rated for Language; No Pairings
1. Elevator Magic

All it was was an elevator ride. Duke and Tristan had stepped in and turned to face the door. They were at the local mall and were headed upstairs. It started out normal. They stood together, both uninterested, although, Tristan seemed a bit anxious.

"Hey Duke?" he started, turning to his friend. Duke turned back at him, not saying anything. "Is this that glass elevator that takes you through the glass roof so you can see all over London?"

Duke grinned, slipping one hand in his pocket, the other resting two fingers against his forehead. "Only a ride on the Duke Devlin trolley could create an experience like that."

"Duke, I'm not going to sleep with you," Tristan insisted, closing his eyes in irritation. "I won't be tempted by your Witch charm." Duke rolled his eyes in response, genuinely annoyed.

"For the last time, I'm not a wi--"

_Boom!_ The lights above them flickered and the elevator came to a slow, grunting and sighing. Duke's eyes widened a bit with surprise, but it quickly subsided. Tristan however, immediately began to freak out.

"Duke! Don't take your anger out on the innocent elevator!" Tristan scolded, clenching his fists with a wide stance. "Now we're stuck here!" He bent down at the knees and pet the hand bar apologetically.

"How the _hell_ do you figure _I_ did this?!" Duke shouted back mirroring Tristan's earlier stance. His temples pulsed in frustration and his teeth were clenched in a growl.

"I don't know how your witchcraft works!" Tristan screamed back, standing once again to his full height. "Now I'll never get to see London!"

Duke's eyebrows twitched and he threw his face into his palm. He wasn't even up to correcting Tristan this time. His head swung around the elevator. It was now dark inside, and he couldn't make out where the camera was. He fell against the back wall and cross his arms.

"Fix it!" Tristan shouted, pumping his fists. "Fix it Fix it Fix it Fix it Fix it Fix it Fix it!"

"I can't fix it!" Duke finally snapped back. He regained his composure and grinned more. "Just be patient. I'm sure help will come soon. Ladies can't resist the scent of a distressed Duke Devlin."

"We don't have time to rely on your good looks! I'm claustrophobic! And that repeated riff of your theme music is going to drive me insane!"

"It wouldn't be a far drive," Duke insisted, furrowing his brow. "And I don't know what you're talking about 'my theme music'." He gave Tristan a hard glare and there was a long silence between them. Duke's face was confused and annoyed, where as Tristan was frustrated and hopeful.

Finally, Tristan gripped his head and screamed at the ceiling. "Why can't you hear it?!"

Duke grinned. "All I can hear are the words 'don't and stop'. Especially when they're put together. And coming from a woman. Who am I between the legs of."

Tristan started screaming again, scrambling around in a nervous pace. "You know what this means, don't you?" he shouted, putting two hands on Duke's shoulders. "We have to repopulate the planet!"

There was a pause, and Duke's eyebrows curled across his forehead. The room was now silent.

"...What?"

"If we die in here, there'll be no one to carry on the Taylor name! It's a very unique name, you know!"

"Tristan, even if I could reproduce with you, I wouldn't," Duke insisted, trying to close his eyes in hope the brunette would be gone when he reopened them. "Because we aren't going to die here. It's an elevator, not a The Who concert."

"You can't prove that!" Tristan pushed further, shaking Duke harder. "You can't promise we'll make it out here alive!"

"You just want me to sleep with you, don't you," Duke suggested with a grin. Tristan pulled back, a nervous look on his face.

_Oh no, he knows my secret!_

"Don't worry, Tristan," Duke continued, curling his hair around his finger. "Nobody can resist the Devlin."

Tristan looked him straight in the eyes for a while before smiling brightly. "I want to meet Charlie Bucket!"

- - -

10 silent minutes had passed and Duke had taken refuge in the corner, sitting over his knees with his eyes closed. Tristan was in the corner opposite him, laying across the floor, repeating over and over again the words "we're going to die." Duke was doing his best to ignore him.

"Duke," he started. Duke didn't respond. "Duke. Hey Duke. Duke!" He paused for a moment before sitting up. "Duke!"

"What do you want?!" Duke snapped, giving the teen a hard glare from behind his bangs.

"...We're in an elevator!"

"..."

- - -

"Fifty-four duel monsters cards on the wall... Fifty-four duel monsters cards..." Tristan sang wearily. His throat was beginning to burn. "Take one down, pass it around..." He closed his eyes and paused. Duke took in a sigh of relief, thankful that he had decided to stop. He had started from 100 and it was only getting more annoying with every verse. _I want to kill whoever wrote that son—_

"Fifty-three duel monsters cards on the wall!"

_Fucking hell._

- - -

"Hey Duke?" Tristan began. He was crawling around the floor, and he was now pointing at the buttons to travel to different floors. "What do you suppose the... 'Help' button does?"

_Wait. _Duke thought, his eyes widening. "You mean you didn't press it?!"

Tristan flinched, clenching his teeth. "W-Was I supposed to?"

"You've been sitting next to that panel for five hours! Surely the thought would have come to your mind!!" Duke pushed up to his feet and shoved Tristan to the floor, shoving his finger into the button.

Immediately, the elevator started to move. Duke's face dropped in pure aggravation as Tristan pushed up to his feet.

"You fixed it! Why didn't you do it before?!" Tristan started, clenching his fists. Duke spread his hand across his mouth and shook his head.

"Just shut up."

The elevator stopped and the doors opened. Tristan immediately dashed through in excitement, but his face fell.

"Hey! This isn't Willy Wonka's candy factory!"


	2. Breaking In

Duke didn't know where Tristan had taken him. All he could hear was the chattering and screaming of teenage girls. His blindfold was finally taken off, but he still didn't know where he was. All he could see was girls everywhere. Normally he wouldn't see a problem with this kind of thing, but they looked like they were mostly 12 years old. Normally that wouldn't bother him, either, but he had to maintain some sort of morality when he was in public.

His head turned around a bit, and from what he could tell, he was at some sort of concert hall or sports stadium. He was past the marquee so he couldn't tell who or what was playing. They weren't waiting in the ticket queue, either, so he couldn't even look at the list of shows. They were nearly at the door to enter the stadium.

He turned to his friend and his eye brow cocked. The smile on Tristan's face was so huge it looked like his cheeks were about to melt off his bones. Duke opened his mouth and drew in a breath. Right as he was about to speak, more girls began to scream. He grumbled for a moment before taking in another breath, making sure to speak loudly.

"Why do you look like you're about to piss yourself in excitement?!" he shouted, his hands in his pockets. Tristan's head slowly turned, his smile faded into a gape of disbelief. He slapped his hands over Duke's shoulders and shook him violently.

"Are you really asking that?! Don't you know where we are?!" he shouted back, his lip trembling with frustration. There was a long silence between the two, Duke's expression falling into a disgusted glare.

"No. I don't. You blindfolded me until we were past the concert marquee." Tristan gulped a bit and pulled off, scratching at his temple.

"Oh right. Well then... You'll see." He spun back to face forward as Duke groaned loudly. Finally they had reached the door. As it opened, Duke finally learned where exactly they were.

"_Hannah! Hannah!_" The crowd roared from all directions. Suddenly, Duke's heart beat quickened and he felt his face heat.

"T-Tristan are we..." He started to seethe in excitement, his fists clenching as his head spun. His mouth turned upwards in a grin.

"We. Are," he responded, his grin almost as big as Duke's. In unison, both boys threw up their arms and screamed in excitement. Some girls gave them disgusted looks, but neither of them cared. Tristan grabbed Duke's hand and dashed off through the carpeted aisle. Duke almost tripped, but he couldn't care less. He was too excited to get to his seat.

Once they found them, they sat down, but both found it impossible to sit still. Duke's legs were bouncing without end and Tristan's fingers were crawling across his arm rest over and over again.

"This anticipation is killing me," Duke noted, his hands wrapping around each other and separating again. They sat for longer, the screaming of the crowd growing louder around them with every passing second. Tristan chewed desperately on his lip until finally he jumped to his feet.

"Let's go break into her dressing room!"

- - -

"This is just like the first episode of Hannah Montana when Oliver was helping Lilly break in!" Tristan exclaimed, his eyes peering over the small window of the dressing room. Duke's hands were wrapped tightly around his ankles, his body shuddering in strain.

"I know, right?" he managed to sputter, his eyes blinking alternately as the sweat rolled from his brow. As soon as Tristan was on that window sill, he could pull Duke through and they could both meet her!

Tristan's legs finally slipped through Duke's hands as he pulled himself through the window. Duke let out a sigh of relief and rolled back his shoulders. "Now pull me up!" Duke shouted in a hushed tone, shaking a fist.

"Screw you! One for one and all for all!" Tristan responded, his head searching through the room. Nobody was in here from what he could tell. There was a couch and a table of food on one side of the room, a washroom, a vanity and a closet on the other.

"Tristan, you stupid bastard, that's not how the saying goes! Get back here and help me up!" He jumped a bit, his hands managing to wrap around the sill of the window. He tried to hold himself up kicking off the wall, but he easily felt himself slipping. "Tristan!"

"Fine," Tristan responded, jumping up and wrapping his hands around Duke's. He fell back to the floor, tugging Duke through the window. Duke slipped through, quickly landing on top of Tristan. He pushed up on his arms, his head swinging around. He couldn't believe that he was actually here, in Miley Cyrus' dressing room.

"Get off me!" Tristan shouted, shoving him to the side. His back slammed against the food table, sending a plate of carrots and celery slipping to the floor and spilling across it. The boys looked in horror at the mess they created, but their matters soon got worse.

"Is that you, Daddy?"

_Oh shit!_ They clenched their teeth and crawled away, hiding behind the couch. Duke began to furiously mouth words at Tristan, his face heating.

"You stupid moron!" he silently screamed, wrapping two hands around the brunette's neck. Tristan's head flailed back and forth, and his throat gargled. "If we get caught here, I swear to God..."

The footsteps began from the other side of the room and both boys froze.

"Oh, nobody's here," the girl spoke out loud. She sounded a bit hesitant. That could only mean that she didn't understand where the noise was coming from. She was probably terrified, thinking it was a ghost or something. There was a sigh and the foot-steps retreated. "This is what I get for having a concert in whatever-the-hell this country is."

"Do you hear that, Tristan?" Duke began, an eager and hopeful smile on his face. More sweat made its way from under his headband. This could be their chance to escape! The only chance they got. And Duke was ready to jump for it.

"I know!" Tristan exclaimed, peering over the back of the couch and to the bathroom door. "She doesn't know what country we live in, either!"

"Oh, come on," Duke growled, wrapping a hand around his shirt and tugging him to his feet. "We have to get out of here." They rushed towards the door, but were frozen in place by a loud scream.

"What are you two doing in here?! Security!"

"M-Miley wait!" Duke insisted, spinning on his heel and giving her a desperate look. She folded her arms in front of her chest, obviously angry to no end. "I-I'm sorry, w-we just wanted to meet you!"

"That's what they all say! Now _leave!" _

The boys did as they were told, practically tearing through the door way, slamming their backs against it. Through a pant, Tristan lifted his head.

"Duke, why was Miley in Hannah's dressing room?" he asked timidly, his breath slowly as his lifted his upper body. Duke gave him an angry glance.

"What are you talking about? They're the same person. You know that." Duke's mind returned to duel between Bakura and Yugi in which Yugi informed the group that Joey had tickets to see Miley Cyrus, but Tristan responded by saying: "I love Hannah Montana." So what was he asking for?

"I thought they were sisters," Tristan admitted nervously. Suddenly, the door they were leaning against tugged out from behind them, and they both fell to the floor in unison. Their eyes wandered up Miley's jeaned legs, all the way up to her gentle face.

"I'm sorry for snapping," she admitted, followed by a light sigh. "You just caught me off guard."

The two pushed to their knees, giving her apologetic smiles along with a begging hand gesture.

"N-No! We're sorry for barging in," Duke said sweetly, bowing once. Tristan did the same and then his eyes lit up.

"Can we meet your sister now?" he asked, jumping to his feet, his every pore excreting excitement. Duke pushed to his feet. God, this guy was dumb.

"Which one?" Miley asked, a bit stupefied. Why did these guys want to meet her sisters? Were they fans of Ponyo or something?

"Hannah!" Tristan responded, his eyes glowing. Both Duke and Miley's faces fell and they shot each other an annoyed glance.

"Ignore him?" Miley asked, a bit of texture in her voice. Duke slapped a hand to his face and used the other to tug Tristan away from the dressing room door.

"Always."

- - -

**A/N:** Re-reading this, I've noticed that Duke's a bit too 4Kids in-character. I'll try to work on that for the next one. And for the record, I didn't make Miley an obnoxious bitch in this because I actually _like her._ Sorry if this bothers anyone.

**Word Count without A/N:** 1,455


End file.
